Productive Day

Last night I only took one pill of 100mg Seroquel. I slept through the night and woke up at nine in the A.M. I knew those pills were killing me, making me wake up at three in the afternoon... shoot.
So I got started updating Brushed. Tomorrow I have to put ads on it and do some promo... sigh. The work never ends, but I love it. Wilson brought over one of them wardrobe closet things. I was able to fit quite a lot of things in it and even took down the bulletin board I use to hang up my earrings. I transferred them to the inside door of the side with the shelves. Then I added flower handles. =) Pretty. I also bought paint in 'Rosy Blush' and painted my door and part of the wall.

I've been productive all day. Ahhh.... it feels fantastic.
I'm off to watch CSI.

I'll put some picks up tomorrow. Ciao!

Perhaps it's not too late

I know it's wrong, but I stole a journal from Barnes and Noble. One look at the cover, and I was in love. I didn't take it as soon as I saw it. You see, the pages are unlined. This scared me. It isn't because I'd end up writing all over the place, because I actually write pretty straight on unlined paper. (well... sort of) I was scared because that meant endless possibilities. It wasn't until about five visits later that I decided I'd figure something out eventually. So I took off the bar code sticker and the alarm sticker and I stuck that sucker in my bag. (Out of the view of cameras of course. NOTE: I am a master klepto. Don't try it. Don't!)


If you know me, you know that I own so many notebooks, they broke the shelf in my closet. Granted it's a really cheap shelf, but still. What does a notebook weight? An ounce? [Five actually]
If you know me even better, then you'll know I keep at least three journals at a time. I wanted this journal to have a specific use.

In the previous post, I wrote about how I can no longer create. Well, today my favorite magazine in the WORLD came in the mail. That would be NYLON magazine. If you read it, you know how inspiring it can be. It's absolutely the greatest. It's my muse! So naturally, I was inspired by just looking at a few pages on the inside.

Even better, I randomly came across stOOpidgErl [1] [2] She is absolutely the coolest person in the world (She's also actually a 28 year old woman, not a girl). I won't ramble on about that. Click her links and check out how cool she is. She's everything I want to be someday. THE POINT IS I am getting my creative side back! All I needed was a little inspiration! I am using the new journal to put in random quotes, lyrics, pictures, etc. that make up me. It's probably cooler than it sounds. So I'll put up pics from time to time.

Lesson Learned: It is never too late to get yourself back. (Unless you're dead)

When I cannot create, I'll be done for

Where have you gone? Where's the girl who put together the really fly outfits? Now you just wear whatever fits, whatever matches, without even thinking about it.

Where's the girl who used to write poetry? The poetry that was honest and deep and true? The words used to come out of you, pour out of you. When's the last time you even got down two lines of honest work, or work at all?

Where's the girl who used to plan out photographs and then model in them? They weren't the best quality in terms of mega pixels, but they had so much character. Now no matter how hard you try, it just... sucks.

And what happened to envisioning those crazy images and staying up all night on Photoshop to make the vision come to life? Now all you see is blank.


Everything that ever was you is gone. Who stole that away? Was it the Lexapro? I gotta know. Was it the Seroquel? Certainly you can't just outgrow your inner being. You can't outgrow your soul. You can't outgrow the very thing that is you. The heart of you. YOU, goddammit. Can you?


What happened? I miss her.

I miss you.

I miss me.